There’s an energy around me lately that I shouldn’t be ignoring. The cues are calling me closer to home and I am finding it harder and harder to deny myself this pull to the natural state.
I’ve been away for almost 35 years, enough for one person I am bursting at the seams. And yet, I feel that when I do go I might not come back to the familiar hauntings I have now. I don’t want to give up what I can almost touch. Starting over seems so alien to me. I’ve done it enough to feel the familiar sting and get rid of it all the same.
Yet my brothers and sisters are calling me and encouraging me to find some sort of path. I’ve been through the dugouts and ditches. I’ve crawled up those rocky hills and I’m pretty exhausted. A rest with some family, food and homeland. I am craving these things while feeling I will betray those nearest to me.
I know my job is to marry these two worlds into some semblance of harmony. But even in me I won’t understand it. Maybe it is because I am from nowhere.
That which, I don’t understand
The past is here now, a caustic wonderland.
Nights are long, tremors have been blown
Back into me, back into me now
It is warm, familiar, fleeting
Faster my run, into a stronger hold
To a safe feeling, while cold mysticisms unfold